Have you ever had to let go of two humans who you've considered your closest & most trusted friends & know it was completely the right thing to do? It's a horrifying process that brushes with insanity. I dealt with it via the only outlet I had.

'Behind Closed Doors' comes in two parts, one half a poem which acts as the words I could never say, the other half the song which acts as a soundtrack to the deepest sorrow & pain in my heart.

(It's worth noting that i'm not a proficient writer & never will be. This poem is just pure expression, nothing more or less)

- Behind Closed Doors -

I use to have a friend,
we stood side by side,
grew up with each other,
we shared every experience,
we shared all our joy,
I use to have a friend.

I use to have a friend,
till capital was just too much a lure,
for my friendship could not contend with a pawn and a two face troll.
For my friendship was not worth honesty, a waste of time the discussion we had.
I use to have a friend.

I use to have a friend,
looked up to him in ways,
a man to emulate, a role model to display.
A companion to help thrive in the dark hours,
a companion who I would happily give all my hours.
I use to have a friend.

I use to have a friend,
before the prize became so grand that walking over my corpse was only a minor issue compared with standing in my spot.
For two weeks of silence did pass till my friend sent his plea,
just to compare music a business, a business decision me.
I use to have a friend.

An apology i'm meant to accept regardless of all the wrong.
I have to accept liars into my arms despite all they have done.
Once again, despite all they have done,
It's my fault,
It's my ego,
that's the problem.

Am I dreaming madness?
Can I plead insanity?
No,
This is just cold hard reality.

Audiences set with their own agenda, their own priorities.
For beneath all the hidden agenda, beneath the priorities, the lies,
I can see only two men,
One branded a liar & a coward, the other wallowing in a given demise.

What would you have me do?

Would you have me throw away my dignity and self respect?
Would you have me sleep with the wolves now that i've lost all my trust?

For honesties sake I just want some respect,
for personal decisions,
for feelings beset.
A realisation that some wounds can not be undone,
that the loss of two loves on my behalf is a large burden.

For now all I can do is sit back and hope that my self respect will be spared just this once,
that parties will pull their heads out of the sand and walk forward, not backwards.
To see forever as a blank canvas,
a canvas where only we can provide the colour,
because if we let every problem bring us down, when issues arise to bury our heads in the ground, then forever will remain colourless.

I preserve not just for the colour of you and me,
I preserve to enrich humanity.